Special Mission
by ckmono
Summary: Two part story on the XIII Order's newest method of achieving their goal. Warning: Axel and Roxas ShounenAi. You have been warned.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer:_ _Kingdom Hearts and everything associated does not belong to me. It belongs to Tetsuya Nomura and Square Enix, and all other companies associated with this project._

**Warning: Spoilers as to how Roxas came to be. **

**Warning: AXEL AND ROXAS SHOUNEN-AI. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

* * *

**Special Mission**

The phone blared, and Vexen snatched it up distractedly.

"Vexen speaking."

"I've done it." The voice on the other end said flatly.

Vexen's frozen lips morphed into a thin smile. "How many?"

"Everyone."

Vexen's eyes glittered delightfully, "_Everyone_?"

"…Only the first one didn't work. Then they started fighting back."

"_Wonderful_. You are quite efficient, Roxas. You would qualify highly for a scientist. You have done the Order a great service, since these hearts are not deteriorated by the darkness of a Heartless, Number Thirteen." Vexen declared haughtily.

"It is my job. And a goal we are all working towards." The other voice replied tonelessly.

"I must say, you certainly comprehend more than certain other members. But no more of that," Vexen stood, and, mindful of the phone cord, began clearing some papers on his desk, organizing them into neat piles. "Are you at the shop?"

"Yes."

"Good. I shall be there shortly to transport the specimen myself. We do not want the likes of Number Nine handling them, do we?" Vexen allowed himself a brittle chuckle.

"No. We do not."

"Indeed. I'm pleased that you agree. Do not move from where you are." Vexen hung up before receiving any response. Changing out of his white lab clothing to his Order uniform, he made a final check around the room.

Exiting the closing the door without looking, he pushed his hands into the wall opposite from the door. Darkness seeped out between the walls, seeming to push the white away like ice pushes apart rocks. The hard darkness melted, and Vexen fell into its swirls. Freezing again, the darkness sunk back into the marble wall of the Headquarters.

Leaning beside the door, unnoticed, Larxene pondered her options. _Stupid old man. So focused on his beloved test tubes he can't even handle himself outside the damn room._

"Hey Larxene. You know if Roxas is back from the mission?" Axel's loud voice echoed slightly in the hallway as he arrived beside the young woman.

Larxene stared at Axel curiously for a few moments, then smirked. "Why are you always trying to be with him? He doesn't _always_ need someone to look out for him, you know. You're going soft."

"Well he does now and thank you for reminding me." Axel mirrored her smirk, completely undeterred as usual.

"It would be nice if you just leave him alone for a change. Let him experience things himself. Let him get stronger without you hanging over him like some worried mother hen." Larxene continued thoughtfully.

"Well obviously I'm not hanging over him now." Axel retorted casually, "All I wanted to know was if he was back. I know he can handle himself, just by the fact that he kicks more ass than you do."

Larxene smiled sweetly, "_I_ certainly could have handled _that_ mission much better."

"Only Roxas and Vexen know what the mission was about, and if any of the grandpas know, they're keeping their mouths shut. So you'll never know." Axel paused thoughtfully, glancing at the door to Vexen's labs. He tried the doorknob, and with a twinge of disappointment found it locked from the inside, as usual. He tapped his chin and stared at Larxene. "Or do you? Is Vexen in there?"

"And why should I tell you?"

"Now Larxene," Axel cooed, "You don't want me to _accidentally_ let slip your rebellious thoughts, do you?"

"I'm thinking of _accidentally_ letting slip my thoughts myself." Larxene faked a delighted expression, "It would be interesting to see how those old fools react, wouldn't it? Or how Saix reacts. I've always wondered how far he could be pushed. Or maybe Lexaeus."

"Oh, you know I wouldn't do that. Not to a comrade." Axel looped a friendly arm around Larxene, and jerked the thumb of that hand back towards the door. "Now be a good girl and tell me; is that mad scientist still in there?"

Larxene stared at Axel's hand on her shoulder, then shrugged it off. "I wouldn't either—betray a comrade, that is." She added upon seeing Axel's confused expression.

The slight dim in Larxene's unusually bright eyes were almost immediately noticeable, and Axel grabbed one of her shoulders. "Hey, what's the matter? I didn't even know you _had_ sentimental thoughts."

Larxene snorted, "Of course I do. I admit I'm a sadist, but I'm not _that_ sadistic. You want to talk sadistic _now_, give it to Vexen."

"All Nobody scientists are heartless bastards. Literally." Axel grinned.

Before Larxene could comment, Saix appeared around the corner, and she snapped her mouth shut.

"Hey Saix. What's up?" Axel greeted casually. Amber met green for a moment, and Saix smiled in cold politeness.

"Saix." Larxene called out as Saix's calm footsteps took him a few paces away. He looked back with a bored look.

"You wouldn't happen to know where Roxas, is would you? Axel's looking for him." Sweet didn't work with Saix; Larxene doubted he _knew_ what was sweet.

"Perhaps he is on a mission?" Saix proposed vaguely, and suddenly in his place, Larxene had a vision of a slavering beast, waiting eagerly and quietly in the bushes with gleaming amber eyes.

"I see." Larxene answered curtly, and waited—_I swear he's slowing himself down on purpose_—for Saix to disappear around another corner, for the almost-inaudible click of his footwear to fade away.

"Listen, Axel." Larxene started quietly, lest Saix had only stopped around the corner. She stared up and met expectant jade green, "Vexen left the lab a little while ago."

Axel folded his arms, and remained silent. Larxene turned, and both looked silently down the hallway both ways before turning back.

"Looks like he just got off the phone with Roxas, wherever he is. He's gone to personally transport some heartsthat Roxas collected. Apparently they're not Heartless for some reason, and he wants to take a look at them first-hand. For some reason Roxas couldn't collect the first heart, and then when the holders of those hearts started fighting back he could." Larxene paused, narrowing her eyes at Axel. "The Heartless don't _fight back_. They don't _defend themselves_. _They_ do the attacking."

"How could you collect the hearts when they're not—oh…no way."

Larxene watched the spreading alarm on Axel's sharp face, and turned away. "Saix knows, I _know_ it. He's just waiting for a chance to rub it in your face." She met Axel's eyes again, "Look—Roxas is _too nice_ for this."

Axel was fuming, wasn't listening. She sighed, "Go find Saix or something. You want me to send Demyx along later?"

Axel did not reply, his chakrams materializing.

Larxene sighed annoyingly as she watched him go. _Not even a thank-you. Men these days. I'm kind of jealous though,_ the edges of her pale full lips twitched. Her hand rubbed the back of her neck, agitated. _Why must I always be the one to deal with that whiny, underdeveloped fool?_

---

"It worked well, didn't it? Those twin Keyblades I made." Vexen declared proudly as he stepped out of the portal with a blast of subzero wind.

"Yes." Roxas answered quietly, "Like you said."

Vexen approached the boy briskly, and knelt down in front of his sitting form. He wrinkled his nose with distaste when he noticed their surroundings in the shop. "I suppose I have yet to find the right amount of Darkness to put into the Keyblades so that its power could destroy the body while drawing out the Heart, and yet not overwhelm it." He murmured to himself. Nudging one of the bodies with a foot, he turned to Roxas again, "Did the soul leave immediately after the heart had been drawn out?"

"It's still in there." The boy answered hollowly, staring at the Keyblades in his hands, "It will leave in a while, chased out by the Darkness—like you said." His hands released the weapons. They fell dully to the ground, froze in obsidian ice, and melted away in Darkness.

"Oh." Vexen's eyebrows rose in interest, "Well then, I suppose all that Dark energy had been used in fighting the soul. After all, that is partly what directs these subjects to fight back, and a logical target to destroy first." He smiled thinly as the final flask came into completion, "No matter. Nobodies born from these peasants are useless to the Order."

The boy did not reply, and Vexen did not notice. He aligned the flasks in rows neatly, and stretched out his hand, palm up, towards Roxas. "Shall we?"

The boy nodded, pressing his own gloved palm against Vexen's. Something in between them glowed. Their hands parted, and a heart materialized. Quickly, Vexen plucked it out of the air and dropped it into one of the flasks, freezing it. Darkness opened under the flask, and swallowed it. The boy shuddered slightly.

"Hard to hold them all in." He offered to Vexen's questioning look.

"Nonsense, you've held them in so far." Vexen answered dismissively, "Come on, we do not want to waste time."

The boy nodded, and the process continued.

---

Demyx dropped the sitar on his bed, staring at Larxene with an utterly _horrified_ expression.

"Axel's gone ahead; I passed him by on his way out. He said to get a hot bath ready, some towels, damp clothing, and porridge. Oh, and your bed. They're moving in for the night." Larxene listed lazily. Turning swiftly before Demyx could respond or ask for help, Larxene strode imperiously out of the room.

When the shock finally left Demyx, he set to work in a flurry of gangly limbs. On his way to the kitchen, he passed by Saix's room, and caught the man sitting on his bed, a towel to his face. Without being overly obvious, Demyx slowed down for a few seconds, just in time to see Saix remove the towel.

The other man gingerly touched the ghastly X-shaped wound on his forehead, checking to see if blood was still gushing out. His eyes glittered madly.

---

"Is that all?" Vexen asked clinically. There were still several flasks on the floor of the shop. The boy, slumping against the wall with a small shudder, nodded.

"Hm." Vexen stared at the boy, "The Hearts harvested so far have all been from adult subjects. Where are the children?"

"Too weak." The boy replied simply. "Hearts overwhelmed by the Darkness, became Heartless."

Vexen sighed, disappointed. "What a shame. I was hoping to do some research on a child's heart. They are so rare and hard to get, since they do not fall into Darkness so easily, and not particularly resilient enough to handle such power."

The boy nodded silently.

"Well then, I shall leave you to do whatever you wish. Should you need assistance, the phone is nearby, obviously. When you return, you will write a record of today's assignment, as usual." Vexen held out his hands to dissolve the flasks back into ice particles.

Before his fingers reached the flasks, a swath of flame vaporized them; the boy made no reaction as the flames surrounded him in a protective ring.

Vexen barely had time to summon his shield against the flaming chakrams. He heard the shield hissing and sputtering as it boiled. Above the shield, Vexen stared icily back at Axel's raging countenance.

"You _fucking bastard_." Axel snarled wildly. Vexen felt himself being pushed easily backwards, his boots sliding against the wooden floor of the shop. The fires spread as if on cue, stampeding up into the rafters. Vexen's eyes narrowed, and behind him, ice pushed away the fire, shooting up a large portion of the wall.

"You see, _this_ is why none of you ignorant fools must know of this mission. There is no room for this ridiculous outburst in pursuit of knowledge. Roxas knows this perfectly well, and you would do well to learn." Vexen pressed his back against the wall of ice, and immediately, the ice clawed up his sides and over his face.

Axel roared amidst the crackling wood; his chakrams—_flecked with blood_, Vexen noted—plunged towards Vexen's half-frozen face. A claw of ice launched itself from the wall, jamming against the chakrams that retreated in front of Axel for defense. The ice froze over Vexen completely, obsidian black appearing inside andthrobbing like an ugly bruise. The ice claw shattered, and the angry flame surged against the ice.

---

"_Roxas_!"

He barely raised his head, and felt himself being gathered hastily into wiry arms, locked in a tight embrace. He welcomed its almost-suffocating warmth, and stayed still for a few moments while Axel started rocking slightly, unconsciously.

_Not enough_. Roxas felt himself give a violent shudder, _Burn me alive._

"Roxas?" Axel seemed to have calmed down; he pressed his cheek against the top of Roxas' forehead, nudging the boy's head against his neck.

"I'm fine." Roxas whispered, trying to keep his voice perfectly normal, "Just fine."

"Stop bullshitting."

Roxas chuckled shakily, "I'm trying." He pushed against Axel's arms, "Let go."

"Over my dead body."

Roxas sighed, and moved his head so his mouth touched Axel's earlobe. "The children," He whispered, "their hearts are still inside me."

Startled green met calm blue.

"Children's hearts are stronger than Vexen thinks." Roxas murmured, relieved, "Their will to live is stronger. Their souls stay inside longer afterwards—souls that didn't have a chance to see the world, _want_ that chance more than anything else." Roxas coaxed Axel to loosen his embrace, and tried to stand up. "I'm giving them the hearts back."

Immediately, Axel followed, standing up, "Can you walk?"

"Of course," Roxas smiled, slightly exasperated, and still in that disturbingly quiet and diminutive mood, "I'm not hurt anywhere. Once I really got going, none of them put up much of a fight." Another slight pause, "They were peasants—farmers and woodsmen and crafts people." Roxas did not wait for a response, continuing out of the shop slowly. On the way, he tripped over a body, and jumped like he'd received an electrical shock. Axel's comforting presence behind him seemed to dim as the small town came into sight, still littered with bodies.

A small distance away, a woman came into Roxas' sight, holding a child. Their eyes caught through her ragged hair, and Roxas saw the hysterical glint of her eyes. Before he could react, the woman rushed forward and grabbed his trench coat, pulling him close to her muddied face.

"_Give him back_!" She shrieked over Axel's exclamation of alarm, "_Give my boy back to me_!" She shoved the bundle she was holding in Roxas' face, forcing him to see its expression of terror and pain. Its skin was sallow and pale, ran through with a disgusting web of pulsing black.

Roxas lurched backwards, fell, and began vomiting violently to one side.

The woman sobbed angrily, tried to pull Roxas back. "And _you_ have the heart to be disgusted! _Why did you do it in the first place_?"

Over the strangled sounds his throat was making, Roxas heard the woman fall back with a thump, and felt Axel's trench coat swish past his face, "_Shut up, woman_!" He roared, and the woman stopped in shock.

Roxas wished they could keep arguing, wished for something to fill the crushing silence. He heard some scuffling, and saw Axel grabbing the woman roughly by her arm, hauling her away. The woman resisted, screeched sharply in fear and anger. The child in her arms flopped, hollow eyes turning to stare at Roxas. His stomach churned, and he turned his face to the ground again. The sour smell of vomit mixed with soil urged him on.

"Get up, dammit, _get up_!" Axel pulled, and Roxas could only guess that the woman's arms would be wrenched off any time now if she didn't obey. "_Get away from him_!"

The woman cried in alarm, and Roxas' stomach relaxed just in time for him to glance up, and see Axel heaving the dead boy over his shoulder and running away. The woman's legs seemed to bounce up, and she sprinted after him like something out of a psychotic nightmare.

Fortunately, from his limited vision, Roxas saw that Axel had not gone far. He dropped the boy carelessly into soft soil, and the woman dove for the child, clutching and patting as if it were alive. As his body calmed down, Roxas wiped his mouth on the back of his trench coat, and stood slowly, clutching his chest.

He heard a short cry of pain from Axel, followed by the sound of a heavy slap. "_I told you to calm down, dammit_!"

"Axel." Roxas called out, alarmed. There was something off about his eyes, and when Roxas reached them, he fell deliberately towards Axel, wrapping his arms around the other man as tight as possible. "Axel, stop, it's not her fault."

His proximity seemed to calm Axel down, though he was still bristling; Roxas let go of him, and fell to his knees in front of the woman. She flinched and enveloped the child in her ragged shawl.

"Thought you want your kid saved." Axel muttered loudly, making her jump, "Well? Let's see the kid." Roxas steeled himself as the wasted body came into his view again. After staring for a few moments, he forced his eyes to meet the woman's, overflowing with tentative hope.

"I was ordered to kill everyone." Roxas began in a soft but firm voice, "I was ordered to take your hearts with me. Apparently I missed you, and I chose to keep the children's hearts from the man who came to collect them." Roxas smiled tiredly at the woman, and noted the slight slump of her shoulders. "Whether it's an instinctual or deliberate choice, I don't know. I don't have a heart. Neither do I want these children's hearts inside me."

"Who…?" The woman whispered apprehensively.

"Bad people." Roxas answered like he was talking to a child, a gentle and self-deprecating smile flowing over his face. Axel snorted.

"Give me back my child." The woman demanded, again in a heated whisper.

"I will." Roxas nodded. He held out his gloved hand, and could tell the woman tried not to avoid it. His hand touched the child's chest, where the skin was ugly blotches of black converging in a bruise-like patch over where the heart had been.

A small glow burst forth at the point of contact, and Roxas felt the heart flow out of him into the empty chest, giving it warm life. Suddenly, he felt Axel behind him, encircling him in a supportive and comforting embrace. Roxas smiled faintly, and watched as the sprawling black receded towards the chest, finally dissolving in the light.

"Done." Roxas whispered as the child began to breathe, almost immediately, gasping and blinking rapidly. An ecstatic look spread over the mother's face, and she nuzzled the child lovingly, tears of exhaustion and relief wetting the small face.

"_Thank you_." She whispered to Roxas through a teary smile. "You…you aren't so bad after all."

"I didn't do it to tell you I'm not a bad guy." Roxas cut off any further words from the woman with a sad frown. He stood up, nudging Axel's arms off him, and looked down at the woman, "If given the order again, I will kill you, your kid, and take the hearts." He turned away, "I want to be like you too, but we can't both have what we want."

The woman, confused, whispered something that Roxas didn't hear. He trudged forward in the road, looking for more children, a hand to his chest and tears in his eyes.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Any comments and criticism are greatly appreciated. Part two coming soon.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: _Kingdom Hearts and everything associated do not belong to me. They belong to Tetsuya Nomura and Square Enix, and all companies associated with this wonderful project.

**Author's Notes: Spoilers as to how Roxas came to be.**

**Warning: AXEL AND ROXAS SHOUNEN AI. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

* * *

**Special Mission - Part Two**

"Roxas!" Axel called, but the boy ignored him. He sighed, and turned towards the woman, pulling her into a standing position. The child leaned against her, staring fearfully at Axel.

"Go on. Get away from here." Axel ordered her. The woman's eyes flicked to Roxas.

"Think you can help him somehow, do you?" Axel snorted before she could make a comment. He turned away from her, "Look, go on and be a good mom to your kid. We're big boys, we can look after ourselves."

"But—"

"Woman, you talk a lot, you know that?" Axel pinned her with his green eyes, "You know too little. You _can't_ understand us." A chakram materialized in one of his hand, and glanced back at Roxas. "Look, _he_ may have been too nice, but _I_ wont' hesitate to kill you, even without an order." The chakram disappeared, "Other people like us are going to kill you if they find yours. Your heart is useful to us; he merely gave you a chance because you're at a disadvantage."

The woman stared at him, stunned. Axel snorted, "Take your own sweet little time then. Just get the hell out of here, and don't let any of us see you again."

_Don't even know why I wasted that much time talking,_ Axel thought as he jogged away, catching up to Roxas, who had just arrived at another body of a child. As he reached out, Axel grabbed his wrists. Roxas glared at him.

"Roxas."

"Let go."

"You know you can't do this."

"Shut up." Roxas shuddered again, folding slightly into himself.

"Listen to yourself." Axel felt worry gnaw at his mind again, "You _know_ you can't let them go back. Do you _want_ them to experience this pain again?" Axel pointed to the child's expression, almost a copy of the woman's child. "Vexen's coming back; he would want to investigate the effects these bodies are showing. What the hell are these kids going to do if he finds out they're still running around, and sends Marluxia or Larxene after them?" He paused, "Look, I took a chunk out of Saix with my chakram before I came here. If you revive these kids, what are _we_ going to do if the Order finds out?" He forced Roxas to turn towards him, "You _know_ it's not going to work no matter what you do."

Roxas turned away, staring at the corpse for several long, heavy moments. To Axel's alarm, his body suddenly flooded with light, and the hearts burst forth into the clear night sky, disappearing in faint flashes.

"There. Happy now?" Roxas asked, relieved and bitter and regretful at the same time. Axel caught him as he fell backwards, exhausted.

"Sorry. Can't help it." Axel whispered roughly, and squeezed the body in his arms, "Dammit, you scared the shit out of me, you idiot. Why didn't you just refuse this mission?"

"It's something I could do. I felt useless otherwise, and the elders said if I could do this, I'd find out more about me." Roxas replied slowly.

Axel said nothing, _had_ nothing to say. He felt Roxas' face pushing into his shoulder. A short, strangled sob reached Axel's ears, and be began rocking slightly.

"I'm not a baby." Roxas muttered.

"Would you just shut up?"

"Stop it."

"Roxas—" Axel pulled away to glare at him, and stopped at the sheer relief in Roxas' blue eyes.

"Let's go home."

Axel grinned as a warm darkness crept out of the ground around them and flared up like flames; he saw Roxas close his eyes in comfort.

---

Demyx jumped, almost dropping his sitar, when Axel kicked open the door to his room, an unconscious Roxas in his arms.

"How is he?" Demyx asked worriedly as Axel started towards the washroom.

"That's a stupid question, you know." Axel adjusted Roxas' weight in his arms, and kicked open the washroom door, "Thanks for the room and all."

"No problem." Demyx replied distractedly, still focused on Roxas, "Need anything else?"

"I need something to eat." Axel turned back, and grinned at him. Demyx felt a tentative and relieved smile edge over his face, nodded and exited the room.

---

Roxas felt steam. Someone was shaking him.

"Come on, Roxas. Wake up. You're all traumatized and muddy; you can't go to sleep like this."

"Yes I can." Roxas murmured, stubbornly refusing to open his eyes. He heard Axel sigh, and felt his trench coat being unzipped and removed. He felt Axel's hand on the zipper of his pants.

"Pervert." Roxas snorted.

"Get yourself out of them then."

"Not tonight, Axel. I'm tired."

"You want me to punch you?" He heard Axel chuckle dangerously. Roxas felt his mouth twitch. A second later, he felt a fist pushing against his cheek.

"Alright, I'm up." Mustering his willpower, Roxas removed the rest of his clothing, and managed to climb into the warm bath. He looked up from the water, and met Axel's eyes.

"Just don't fall asleep and drown in here, you hear?" Axel knocked his forehead against Roxas', and kissed him briefly before standing up, exiting the bathroom.

---

Demyx looked up from the food when Axel kicked open the door to the bathroom, carrying Roxas, who had been changed into the sleepwear.

"Stupid brat, told him not to fall asleep in the damn bath." He muttered without venom, and set Roxas in the bed, wrapping the covers around him.

"Can't really blame him, can you?" Demyx murmured, his voice calm like a lake, lacking its usual brightness. Axel grunted in agreement, and sat down across from Demyx at the small table, diving into his food.

"Slow down, will you?" Demyx chuckled, "After seeing whatever you saw in that town, won't your throw up if you eat too fast?"

Axel slowed down, and his movement trickled to a stop.

"It wasn't so bad." He said, "I'm not the one doing it."

Demyx glanced at the still form on the bed, and sighed. "Why did he do that?"

"Those grandpas promised him answers."

"Oh." Demyx ate in the awkward silence before continuing, "You know—Saix is pretty angry."

"Why, because I fucked up his pretty face?" Axel snorted derisively. Demyx grinned like he did when he got away with a prank.

"Can't think of anything else." They kept their laughter down, in fear of disturbing Roxas. As they finished the food, a knock came at the door, and it opened before either could respond.

Larxene spared Roxas a cursory glance, then turned towards Axel and Demyx. From behind her back, she produced two black Keyblades, and threw them down on the floor. There were no Keychains on them.

"Got Marluxia to steal it. It wasn't hard, and Marluxia isn't nicknamed assassin for nothing. He picked the lock in five seconds; it must be pretty old or something."

"Roxas used these?" Axel reached for the weapons. As a precaution, his fist was surrounded in flames. "Where's the power coming from with no Keychain?"

"It's all in the Keyblade itself. The hearts. They're not there now, of course, Vexen's collected them all." Larxene answered, and waited for realization to click.

Axel's head snapped up, "You mean—?" Larxene nodded.

"Ironic, isn't it?" She murmured, running a careful hand over the weapon, "The method that gave birth to him became the death of everyone else."

"Shut up." Axel snarled quietly, casting a quick glance in Roxas' direction.

"No, _you_ shut up, Axel." Larxene snatched the weapons out of his hands. Demyx glanced up, but wisely went back to his food. "What the hell is wrong with you? You never gave a damn about what the world decided to do, and now you're nothing but a pathetic, nervous wreck."

"I _don't_ give a damn." Axel glared at Larxene, daring her to continue.

"Don't give me that look." Larxene sneered, "You're a caged animal, still smashing against the bars like they don't exist, like you could just run away whenever you want."

"Then it shouldn't be caged in the first place." Axel stood up from the chair, taking a menacing step towards Larxene.

"See? You are provoked so easily now." Larxene sighed disdainfully, "Like a caged animal for entertainment. Like a circus animal."

"Shut _up_!" Axel pushed her roughly against the wall, his green eyes livid. Behind him, Demyx glanced at Roxas, and knew he had been awake since the conversation began.

"Then stop being such a wuss." Larxene retorted, shrugging roughly out of Axel's grip, and pointed to Roxas, "They're working his ass off, getting him to kill what seems like a billion Heartless on a weekly basis, and now _people_. Sooner or later he'll want to know why, and they'll let him know just how special he is, just how much more effective than us in collecting hearts. He's _going to find out_, so get over it."

Axel turned abruptly away from her, "He won't. I won't let him."

"What are you, his owner?" Larxene mocked. "He doesn't need to be kept on a leash like this."

"Gee, I didn't know that." Axel muttered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"It's true; you didn't know that."

Axel sighed heavily, and dropped himself into the chair again, glaring tiredly, but still defiantly, at Larxene, "What do you want, woman? I'm not here to play mind games with you, and I want to be able to think for myself, thanks."

"I want you to stop screwing around, and accept the fact that _he's going to find out_. Like you said, he kicks more ass then me; well, he could probably kick yours too if you go on like this."

"Look, whatever he does, or whatever I do, that's our problem. You got your own crap to deal with. Stay out of this crap, and I'll stay out of yours. I hate to hurt you, but if I need to, I will."

"You'd turn against your comrade?" Larxene challenged.

"Yeah." Axel replied, a dangerous glint in his serious eyes, "Yeah, I will. You hurt him or control him, you die."

"Then you should be killing yourself."

"You don't understand. You _can't_ understand."

"Maybe." Larxene shrugged, "But at least I know when to give people space."

"Light escapes from the smallest crevice." Axel said quietly.

"But its source never leaves its original place." Larxene replied.

"It's _already_ out of its _original_ place." Axel muttered through gritted teeth.

"You _know_ what I mean." Larxene interrupted curtly before Axel could continue.

They stared at each other for long moments. Across the table from Axel, Demyx saw Roxas turning away into the wall.

"Maybe you _do_ know why I'm a nervous wreck." Axel snorted.

"Of course I know why. You love him." Larxene answered, exasperated, "But the Order doesn't need emotional people like you. _Roxas_ doesn't need someone like you hanging off his every move."

"Maybe." Axel shrugged, a small predatory grin on his face, "Think I can get a resignation form anywhere?"

"Get one from Saix." Larxene smirked, and Axel let out a short bark of a laugh, then fell sober again.

"You know I won't stop this."

"So stubborn." Larxene snorted in disdain.

"It's all I can do, and you know it."

"Why don't you kill that boy?"

Axel looked at Roxas again, "He—he wouldn't like it. I know it."

"You would let Roxas go? Let him _die_?"

Axel looked up at her, and Larxene saw the piercing desperation of something being dragged inevitably to slaughter, fighting against something too great; it surged violently against the future, even as it was crushed.

"If he wanted to," He said firmly, "I would. In the end, I would." He stood up briskly, and brushed past Larxene towards the door, "I won't lose to anyone else but him. You, or anyone else in this hellhole, are wasting saliva."

He turned suddenly at the doorway, looking at Roxas' prone form. He snorted softly, and closed the door with a loud click. Larxene said nothing, and disappeared in a crack of dark thunder.

"Roxas?" In the heavy silence, Demyx called softly. He got up from the table, shaking the boy slightly.

There was no response.

---

In the dark, when Axel stole back into the room, crawled silently into the warm bed with Roxas, the boy moved away from him. Axel lashed out, clamping Roxas against him; Roxas fought back, swung a punch. Axel pinned that arm down, tried to tangle his legs with Roxas' so he would stop moving. Roxas started kicking, twisted out from under him and banged against the wall.

"Dammit, Roxas—"

Axel had one second to think he was probably meeting Roxas' glare in the dark, before Roxas punched him square in the eye.

_Lucky bastard_, Axel slid haphazardly out of the bed, one hand gingerly over the damage. He turned; his eyes adjusted to the dark, and tried beating Roxas' glare.

"Think I should do what Larxene says; beat the shit out of you." Roxas muttered angrily.

"I'm hungry and tired. There's _not much_ shit to beat out." Axel returned the tone, "And don't bring that bitch in. You've wanted to do this a long time ago."

"In light of what we have, I think I forgot." Roxas replied mock-thoughtfully, "I should thank Larxene for reminding me why the hell you're so bent on being glued to me, even though you _knew_ like all the others. You are no different from them, keeping the truth from me." He accused.

"Think all that we have is fake now, do you?" Axel mumbled, and chuckled bitterly, "Think that all this time I was only playing guard dog, do you?" He shook his head, "You're a big boy, and you can take care of yourself."

"Then why don't you let me?"

"Because every time you get yourself into shit like the mission today." Axel paused for a while, before mumbling, "And because…I…" The next words were forbidden; he felt like he saw them from behind a veil. Even then, if he drew the veil away he was afraid that was all there was to it, that it was actually embroidered on the useless fabric.

Axel felt the sheets shift and pull behind his back, and felt Roxas' arms around his broad shoulders, the head resting beside his own.

"I don't know what to think anymore." Roxas mumbled, "I can't go on just doing what they tell me, without knowing what's going on, _why_ it's going on." He paused momentarily, "Help me, Axel."

Axel squeezed his eyes shut, and bumped his head against Roxas', shaking it slightly, "I'm sorry." He whispered roughly, "I—I can't. I won't."

"I know—you're just like all the others. And different at the same time." Roxas snorted, "Funny, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Axel sighed, a self-deprecating smile on his face, "Funny."

"Is this it? What we have?"

"Looks like it."

"…It's pretty pathetic, when you think about it."

"I know." Axel looked across the bedroom, and saw Demyx on the dark blue couch under a warm blanket, turned away. He wondered if Demyx felt the same about the power of his music—the echo of a more glorious music score, thrown away like his heart had thrown away his body and soul.

The pair stayed silent, Axel leaning against the bed, Roxas sprawled on it, allowing themselves to suffocate in the silence.

"I have to find out. I'm—going to leave the Order." Roxas almost whispered. Axel said nothing.

"There's too much questions for me to just live with it." Roxas continued quietly, "I don't want to be some _puppet_, like I am now." He paused, "But after—after what I heard today..." He took a shaky breath, "When I released the children's hearts today, I saw their souls go with the hearts in that light. The heart takes the soul away, maybe to someplace better." He stopped, and Axel's hand moved to his folded arms. He continued, "I saw—I saw a man's soul leaving. It—it's…I don't know what it looked like. It looked like it disintegrated. It was gone. Just—gone."

Axel remained silent, so Roxas rambled on, "I mean, I can deal with death, really, I can. I don't mind if I die, because there's something afterwards. Maybe Kingdom Hearts, or somewhere else, like an afterlife or something that the heart takes you to. Or maybe I'll be reborn, and I'll start over again, and I won't feel the pain of this life. But I—" He seemed to choke on the words, and Axel's hand tightened its grip, "Nobodies don't have hearts. I want to find out about _me_, but then I'll—I know it, Axel. I don't know how, but I just do. We're going to _disappear_, Axel, like the soul of that man did. We'll just be—_gone_, we'll be _nothing_, and I—"

"Shut up, Roxas." Axel stood up, clambered into bed, locked Roxas against him, trying to stop his violent shaking, "Shut up, dammit."

"I don't—" Roxas gasped slightly for air he didn't need, "I can't help it, it's like some damn addiction—I _have to_ find out, but I'll _disappear_, I don't want to _disappear_, don't want to be _nothing_, but I'm already half way there, and—" He suddenly stopped, clutching Axel, a stunned expression on his face, "I _did it_. I made them _all_ nothing."

"Roxas, stop this!" Axel shook him slightly, trying to loosen the tight, terrified form.

"I _can't_!" Roxas pushed his nose further against Axel's neck, and noticed for the first time that their skin was cold like corpses. He lowered the volume of his voice to and exhausted, broken whisper, "I just—dammit, I'm so _scared_. And tired. And _cold_."

Axel leaned back, making them fall side-by-side onto the bed. Wrapping both of them up in the blanket, he concentrated, heated his own skin, and gathered Roxas to him again. In his embrace, Roxas' violent shaking calmed, reduced to small, dry sobs.

"I'm sorry." Axel murmured over and over again, and wasn't sure what the hell he was sorry for. For convenience's sake though, he decided to use 'everything'.

---

Demyx waited until Axel and Roxas' pseudo-breaths were even and slow before climbing out of the sofa. He sat down at the desk; there's a song in his head, and he felt that it's been waiting there for a long time. Maybe since the time he joined this order, or even since he was born.

It feels _empty, sad, questioning, always searching, pondering the same things over and over again. It finds something, so glorious and high up; what it found was meaningless, and it falls slowly back down. It reaches out, tries to find something again, and again. Then it doesn't have time anymore, it's got to fight, fight with the fear and suspense of disappearing into a void, one enemy gone after another. It grows powerful, but always desperately searching for something, like racing against the beat of its own drums. And in the end, after everything, there was still nothing, still empty and sad and questioning, coming back to a fake cadence._

Demyx worked feverishly on the multitude of instruments he could instinctively hear, the images of the oh-so-righteous World of Light and the Heartless running across his mind. When he finished, he entitled the piece 'Another Side', and gathered the small stack of paper, stuffing them into the bottom drawer of the desk. Stumbling back into the sofa, he knew this was a one-time thing; all the power that he could have, _would_ ever have, was spent. He would be damned if he let anyone unworthy, even himself, play such a power.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Comments, criticisms, and questions are welcome and greatly appreciated.


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